I'm going to change the spelling of the name of Sisera's killer in the movie scene from Jael, as in my English translation, to Yael. It's spelled with a yud. Where did they get the "j"? This book is the Artscroll Joshua/Judges. I'm not at all impressed with the translation, but then I can't really "judge" because my Hebrew's not good enough.

I'm still working on understanding the translation of the dialog between Deborah and Barak. I'm imagining that in the movie it's a duet they sing.

The word that's translated in my book as "your glory" is tiferetecha from tiferet. Tiferet is the 6th sefira in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life.

It seems like a different meaning of "glory" than kvod.

The main point is that the real meaning of the prophecy turns out to be different that what one expects. When Deborah says "Hashem will have delivered Sisera into the hands of a woman" of course you think that woman is Deborah. But it turns out to be Jael. Barak will not be the one to kill Sisera. A woman will kill him.

I just found out from this great Artemisia Gentileschi site that she painted Jael killing Sisera from the story of Deborah as well as Judith and Holofernes. I never knew that, and Debra might not have known it either. Maybe I can add this info to the glossary.

The web page for the Sisera painting says "The act fulfilled the prediction of Deborah, prophetess and Israelite leader, who foresaw that a woman would slay Sisera."

I had thought it meant, and the commentary in my text agrees, that Barak wants Deborah to go with him to the battle and Deborah says ok, but then people will say Hashem delivered Sisera into the hands of a woman. Because if the woman is Jael and not Deborah, what difference does it make whether Deborah goes or not?

But Barak says I will only go to fight Sisera if you, Deborah, come along. And Deborah says "Indeed I will go with you --- but the path on which you have chosen to go will not be for your glory, for Hashem will have delivered Sisera into the hand of a woman."

I wish my book were interlinear, so I could see the English and Hebrew right on top of each other. You get a much better sense of the meaning of the Hebrew with an interlinear text. My Hebrew is not so great. Path and hand of a woman are clear, but the translation of words like "but" and "indeed" aren't always so straightforward. Also I don't know about "glory" since I don't see the word I know as glory, kvod, spelled kuf bet dalet.

I think what it means is this: Barak says I will only go if you go. That means no Deborah, no deal. It's never in question, of course she will go. Regardless of whether Deborah goes or not, regardless of the victory of Barak's army over Sisera's army, the victory will not be complete because Sisera will escape. The Canaanites will not be vanquished if their leader still lives. The true victory, the death of Sisera, will belong to a woman. To Jael. Deborah is not the woman she spoke of in her own prophecy.

That's prophecy for you. It never means what you think it means.

For Part III of my novel, all I have to do is describe the movie from the point of view of Debra sitting in the audience. I don't have to write the screenplay or direct the movie, just describe seeing it.

Of course, the movie doesn't exist, but why should that be a problem? I've described planets and life forms that don't exist. If i can imagine them, I can write about them. How is this different?

One of the many words the most brilliant Torah scholar I know personally uses to describe the Torah is "cinematic." Since I heard that, I haven't seen the Torah the same way. There's gotta be at least 23 screenplays in there. Why have so few of them been written?

So this is just one. And, as I said, I am not writing the screenplay. I am just pretending Debra's friend Segullah did, and Debra is watching it. The other significance of the movie is that seeing it is a turning point in Debra and Sal's relationship. They don't call it a date, at least Debra doesn't, and Sal's too smart to draw attention to it, but it is their first date.

Writing. It's what I do when I can't stand the thought of another day.

Not now, though. This afternoon I thought of some ideas to flesh out the turning point in Debra's life when she decides to change her major from studio art to art history. Decides to become a professor, in short. But it's been a long and exhausting day, and I think it will have to wait for another one.

So now I've written a novel. Or at least, I believe by the time I finish revising it will be a novel.

I see how getting people to critique a novel is a problem. Critters seems to have solved this problem. You have 2 choices: either send your novel through the queue in pieces or ask for dedicated readers, who will read your novel exclusively.

Trouble is, my novel is not one of the genres Critters deals with (sci-fi, fantasy, and horror.)

Back in the day I joined the International Women's Writing Guild and a "kitchen table/meetup" writing group. That's how I met Sapphire. Now I don't think running around town going to meetings is the way to go. I'd rather do it online, just like critters.

On the other hand, IWWG has something called "clusters"and zip code parties. The members of the writers group i was in were from all over the city. Maybe there's something there for me.

In any case, getting feedback about anything you're writing is essential. Thanks to all who have volunteered to read THAT AND A TOKEN. A leaner "part I only" document is now available. Let me know if you would like one.

I wonder how it's possible to hold onto the freedom from overthinking that comes with nanowrimo. There comes a time when it's appropriate to agonize over every line your character says, but I don't think I'm there yet. It's just that when I hear characters talking to each other I have to think "Wait, he wouldn't say that. I would say that, maybe Debra would say that but Sal wouldn't."

November is over. The rush to as many words as possible is over. I'm revising the plot, rearranging the scenes. I called for readers as I wanted to get input before revisions get frozen into place. Having done that, having sent out 3 manuscripts, gave me the freedom to step back & rest a bit. Thanks for that. I began to think how to revise.

But it's still wide open!

I read through it myself. There's some redundancy, & I can think of some edits, but I feel like I'd like to take a rest & let someone else read it before I proceed. Who would like a copy?

I revised & printed. I'm the first reader. After that I'm looking for some more readers. Any volunteers?

So November is over. The next thing i need to do is get a ream of paper (which I've needed forever) to print the thing and read it.

So all i have left to do is describe a conversation about planning a wedding between somebody who has been married before and is familiar with the ways of the US on planet Earth and somebody unfamiliar with said ways. Plus inviting the guests, getting the license, and the ceremony at City Hall with more than the required number of witnesses. Plus a celebratory meal afterwards. Can I do it using at least 4751 words?

I wrote about shopping for Oscar night, what Segullah and Debra are wearing, both gowns and jewelry, Segullah's date Moshe, natural hairstyles for Segullah and Moshe, the big night itself, Debra's sudden decision to accept Sal's proposal, and her late night telling her roommate about it. Now they just have to iron out the details. My word count right now is 15,249. That includes a glossary. I think I'll include recipes too, for the dishes Segullah serves for her Shabbat dinner with Debra and breakfast the next morning.

The conflict over the marriage proposal and the tension between Debra and Sal will be forgotten when the news comes out that Segullah has been nominated for an Oscar for best adapted screenplay. She invites Debra & Sal to attend the Oscars, & offers to buy them gown, tux, jewelry. Segullah & Debra will go shopping, leading me into places my writing doesn't go very often. What female charaters look like and what they wear, & shopping for it. Debra's lifelong conviction that you can't make a living as an artist or writer takes a hit because Segullah's novel made money and now she made money from the movie.

The spirit of nanowrimo says i shouldn't go nuts finding out whether this is possible, how many guests are nominees allowed to have at the Oscars, i should just write it.

The time frame for my story has undergone some transformation as I've written it. When planning it i got away from my own life & decided Debra is younger than me, and should have her young adult experiences in the 90's instead of the 80's like I did. However as i write it this doesn't seem to be happening. Debra's job at the sculpture store is based on a job I had in the 80's, and there are no computers in the story. So far there are no real references to mark it in time. I'm finding it sort of refreshing to write about a time when shipping orders to customers meant writing them up in a 5x7 UPS book with carbons. My husband prepares UPS shipments every day and he says UPS doesn't even give you that book anymore, everything is done on the computer.

Still to come: I want to capture in this story the excitement of 2 big nominations in real life. The first was for an Oscar for best adapted screenplay. I was once in a writer's group with the author of the novel the screenplay had been adapted from. The experience of watching that screenplay win the award on TV and seeing the author (who I haven't seen since the writer's group) in her seat at the awards show and cheering for the movie, although I was really cheering for the author, yelling my head off in my in-laws living room.

Seems like a few months later Eugie's novelette was nominated for a Nebula. This was a story I had actually read, and an author I was actively in touch with, and a genre I'm deeply involved with. This time the awards show wasn't on TV, I had to figure out how to watch it on the Internet, and watch what seemed like hours of a door with waiters going through it serving the dinner. This time I was yelling in my own living room, my husband & daughter watching me glued to the unreliable webcast. As a reward for this enthusiasm I got to see a shuttle launch because Eugie recorded it on her Droid and posted it on Facebook. When Sheila Williams wrote about Nebula weekend in her column in Asimov's I got to relive all this again.

I feel like we're all on the same team, and we share our victories.

i guess i know how the story is going to go from here on in. Sort of. Don't know when i'm going to have time to write it. Friday I'm supposed to work at home. The office is sort of a disaster, as everything has been dismantled for painting/carpeting. I'm sure I have plenty of time to get at least the outline of the story written this weekend. Maybe i'll get to 20,000 words.

The weird thing is the number of holy books I've had on my desk while writing it. First, the book of Judges, because the story within the story is Deborah, written by Debra's high school friend Segullah. I'm imagining a feature length musical epic based on about a page in Judges. I couldn't write it, but my fictional character Segullah could. Does. Did. She wrote the screenplay and the book of the musical based on her novel of the same name.

Then, while writing the scene where Debra goes with Segullah to a Friday Shabbat service some Hebrew words and a tune that has always haunted me, I don't know where I know it from, started running through my head, and I typed the words into Google and discovered it was the 133rd Psalm. So then I had the book of Psalms on my desk. (I'm getting away from my usual Ashkenazic/Yiddish spellings because Abayudaya Jews of Uganda say Shabbat and synagogue, not Shabbos and shul. I want to try harder to find out if there's a word for synagogue in their local language of Lugandan. But I think they want to use the words that other Jews use.)

So I think I'll be able to wrap the story up by the deadline of Nov. 30, if not the word count.

In this story, a marriage proposal is a source if great conflict.

So skipped everything else and wrote the marriage proposal scene.

I think I'm stuck in "i don't want to write THAT!" land. Feeling discouraged. Maybe I should proceed to the idea I got when reading "A Pep Talk from Chris":

Chris Baty says

incite change. If your story is losing momentum, juice it up by
inflicting some major changes on your characters. Crash the spaceship. End
the marriage. Buy the monkey. Change is scary because we have to figure out
what comes next. But feeling afraid is ten times better than feeling bored,
and your book will benefit from your risk-taking. Go big this week! You
won't regret it.

Chronologically it comes later, but i can always fill it in.

I'm not sure it's going to end up being a novel, but I'm having fun writing it. I never really aspired to the 50,000 words because my energy level is not always so great these days. My goal is more modest, more like 20,000 words. I never know how long anything is going to be until I've finished what Eugie calls the 0 draft. I get an idea and I write until it's complete, not thinking "it's a novel" or "it's a novella" or "it's a short story." I figure I'll know after it takes shape. They usually end up being 3-5000 words. Then I edit it to make it better, which usually means shorter. Then when I get to the marketing stage I think about the requirements of different publications. I have never marketed a novel.

I think The Object of My Affection by Stephen McCauley is something of a perfect novel. It takes exactly a year, and it ends the way it starts, with a trip to Coney Island. Maybe a year is the minimum time frame for a novel. I guess there's no real maximum time frame. Anywhere But Here by Mona Simpson is a big novel, encompassing 6 years in the protagonist's life, but is told from several characters points of view, and goes back into the grandmother's childhood. So it incorporates three generations.

I think my time frame is about five years.

Day 3 of NANOWRIMO. I'm on Day 8 of my outline, but I've only written 2,628 words. Only 47,372 to go. In 27 days.

I've written the entire "past" background to my story, and have now arrived at the present. 3 of my supporting characters are very likeable. Now that my protagonist has been kicked out of school, I don't think these characters should disappear. I can't seem to bring myself to write about the roommate at all.

The Daily Grind was rejected by THE NEW YORKER. I have to decide where to submit it next.

ASIMOV'S seems like an obvious choice, but after it took them 104 days to reject "Being" with a pefunctory form letter, I decided never to submit to them again as an unpublished author. I really got my hopes up. Here I thought they were seriously considering it, while in reality it probably fell under the desk. But that's not really a reason.

How about STRANGE HORIZONS?

I still have not sent A SINGULAR BEING to THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION.